Category Archives: Musings

The Ideal Dominant

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I have always wanted to be collared, to be owned, to submit fully to someone I can trust. But finding that Master is harder than finding a good man. There are many wonderful men, but not all inspire submissiveness in a woman. Is it masculinity? Is it that hard edge and decisive authority combined with protective tenderness? An intriguing mix of lust and trust? A Dom has to be so many things.

I read this online somewhere, and I liked it, so I’m putting it here. Maybe someday he will come to me.

“The Dominant should be in control of himself first and foremost. He is confident, caring, and understanding. He does not allow ego to get in the way of learning, both about himself and his submissive. He knows how to love. And how to cherish the gift given to him.

When the Dominant meets a new submissive He is kind and guiding without demanding ritual of Her. He does not demand respect, he earns it. He explores her mind first, learning her strengths. He does not seek to seduce her, but gets to know her as a person first, building a relationship, slowly discovering if there is to be one.

If he is a good Dominant he does not do this to gain another submissive, but only because he is able to befriend someone, without the trappings of sexuality. He is not a predator, but a teacher, willing to pass his knowledge with little or no reward, but the pleasure of knowing he can, and the satisfaction of helping someone define their own path.

If the time comes when she offers herself to His service, The Dominant is the first to question her decision, to ask her to look into herself and discover if He is what she really wants. He is the first to mention Safety, to volunteer References, and to tell her to seek more. He supports safe calls and public meetings first, her safety is foremost in His mind at this beginning.If He decides to take the submissive into service, he is the first to mention negotiation, to offer his own personal information. He realizes the danger she could be placed in the wrong hands, and seeks to Guide her in protecting herself. He does not dismiss her worries, for he knows her risks are all to real.

He knows his safety also depends on Honesty, on communication. He is at first only as protective of himself he needs to need be, but open and honest about his life, tastes, what he expects, he knows that she will be taking a leap of faith, and is supportive of her.

To possess her, he knows he must first earns her respect. To do this, he must prove he is what he says he is, that he cares for her, that he would push her limits only to build her strengths, that he is willing to spend the time to learn her as a Person first, then as a submissive. He knows how wonderful this gift is that she offers, and is willing to live up to her trust in him.

To this end, he talks with her, learning her secret needs and desires, and in turn expressing his own, always ready to affirm her worth, to him ,and to herself , increasing her confidence in herself , and in the gift she gives, gently pushing her limits to show her she can be more than she feels she is, that she can go farther than she ever thought possible. Slowly opening the flower of her submission, coaxing her passion for him into full bloom.

If she lacks self esteem, he shows her he respects her, and finds her worthy of his time. He shows her she has beauty in his eyes, thus she is beautiful. He focuses on her strengths, to show her of her own power, He softly explains that the gift she gives is the most wonderful gift of all, Herself.

He takes the time to learn her Soul, before thinking of learning her body, as the Dominant learns his new submissive, a connection takes place allowing Him to sense her desires, her needs, her passions. With this new knowledge, the Dominant is able to take his Submissive to new heights of pleasure, to guide her and walk with her as together they seek new levels of love and fulfillment.

In taking a submissive into his service the Dominant takes on many responsibilities. He pledges to help guide her in her path, not only in the bedroom, but in life. He pledges to be there for her when she needs Him, to care for her, ease her pain when she is depressed, comfort her when she is ill, assist her in overcoming her fears and worries, to hold and love her when she needs affection.”

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Sex is not a goddamn performance

This powerful piece comes from a Facebook friend, Michael Jenkins. It’s so brutally honest and resonant, I had to share it. Enjoy!

amorous couple making love in bed

Sex is not a goddamn performance. Sex should feel as natural as drinking water. It should not require confidence.

Sex should happen, because the moment is ripe. Ripening lips, ripening labia, ripening cock, ripening pupils, ripening state of being. Ripe and augmented and brimming. Your energy goes to your pumping heart, then to every external nerve, then to theirs, on fire.

You bask, roll, play in it. You sigh, moan, laugh. It’s not about being good in bed. It’s about being happy.

One should never worry if they’re doing it correctly. Sex is not factual. I don’t want your cookie-cutter sex, I don’t want your meticulously crafted, calculated, fool-proof fuck. I don’t want a show. I want you. Let your instincts, urges and whims define that. It’s enough.

What do most girls like? Forget about it. Statistics are meaningless when there’s only one. Hello, here’s me. Here’s you. Don’t worry about taking it too slow. We got time. We got infinite rhythms, combinations, possibilities. Explore each fuck. Take our time. We can do a different one later.

Don’t worry about making me come. I’m here. Right where I want to be. I am overwhelmed by wanting; you don’t have to convince me. I want you because I like you. So don’t put on a front. Don’t taint this.

I’m frustrated—it’s just authenticity I want. It’s originality. It’s passion. It’s joy. Don’t say that something I like is ugly. Don’t compare yourself to the rest. You will live and die with and within your experiences like everyone else. If someone thinks you are amazing, they are not wrong. Their universe is as real as any other; it is forged through perception.

I don’t care if you accidentally slammed my head into the wall, if you slipped out, if my arm cracked, if the delightful pressure of your wet lips on my anything made a silly sound. There is no right way and no wrong way.

Good in bed. What? You’re good in my bed. I’m pleased you’re there. I feel it suits you. Shove your technique. Let your memory swallow it. Fuck me like you’d fuck me, fuck me like you feel. This isn’t a test.

Wanton Sex

Yes. The kind of sex we ultimately crave with a beautiful lover – intensely charged, uninhibited, and exhilarating. Is there anything more wondrous than the fevered union of two mutually attracted souls?

When desire reaches such ferocity, the sensory joy of every “twitch, thrust, and caress” is preciously augmented.

Does the excitement come from the lover, the circumstance or a perfect compatibility?

Wanton sex often strikes in the realm of discovery, heightened by the thrill of the chase and the unknown. But for some lucky ones with the right sexual fit, this wild intensity can be savored repeatedly in a stable and intimate relationship.

For sapiosexuals, the mating of the minds must come first. Intellectually the sparks must fly. And then, only then will the explosive coupling be possible. The whole imagination becomes the playground where mutual shared fantasies stoke the passions and enhance the bonding. This is the kind of sex that stays in your memory.

Merry Christmas and happy fucking.